Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
