i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
