you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
