Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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