I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
