I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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