i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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