R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
