We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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