You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
