Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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