Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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