Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
