I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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