You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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