Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
