Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
