your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
