forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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