from now on my penis is your penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
