Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't turn off my feet"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
