wat bout pragnant strippers??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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