i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
