it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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