Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
