My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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