Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
