I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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