we're chasing vodka with high fives
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
