Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
