drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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