just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
