Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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