sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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