you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
