Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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