I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
