Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
