go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
