Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
