My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Randomize
