Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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