i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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