I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
