I don't think brook has ever known best
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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