It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
