i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
