we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
