how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
