No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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