So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
