you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
