i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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