when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
