I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
