I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize