office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
