There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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