so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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