So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
