Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
