i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
