I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
