I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
