If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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