i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
