high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
