My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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