Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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